A Software Engineer's feelings.....

It
was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature
was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the
pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to
see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was
inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of
the nature.
Through
the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on
to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt
sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic
situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer.
I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it.
I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for
one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I
could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through
which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.
My
childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when
I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories
told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house,
not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell
phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners
which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all
the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the
love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.
I
threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they
would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a
cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face.
The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give
a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the
pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.
The
scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought
with my best friend came to my mind. Today, she has gone far away from
me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and
coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people,
but then I long ceased to make a new friend.
It's
true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to
sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest
designer clothes, but a worn out body . Awards for technical
excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A
confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain,
but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.
Now,
I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her
umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which
I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time
back.
I
have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the
expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again
enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small
kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down.
Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened
outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying
that there was a critical defect
in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not
going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my
decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple
of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in
with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,