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speedrider.rediffiland.com/
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ANGER MANAGEMENT
ANGER MANAGEMENT
Husband to wife : When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife : I clean the toilet bowl.
Husband : How does that help?
Wife : I use your toothbrush .
hahahahhaha
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Laugh
Laugh!!!
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it. - " How many letters in the Alphabet?
19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI
went after him."
- How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!
-
Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?
A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.
- There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application
of high explosives.
-Born Free........Taxed to Death.
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It's Called Mindset
It's Called Mindset-An Interesting story
As
I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact
that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to
their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants
could, at anytime, break away from the ropes they were tied to but for
some reason, they did not.
I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
"Well,"
he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same
size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As
they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away.
They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break
free."
I was amazed. These animals could at any time break
free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they
were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many
of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do
something, simply because we failed at it once before?
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The best relation ever is between two eyes,
The best relation ever is between two eyes,
They blink together, Move together,
Cry together,
See together and sleep together.
STILL they never see directly each other.
But when they see a girl, one will blink and another will not.
Moral of the story: "Girls can break all kind of relationship."
hahahha
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Interesting facts
Interesting facts
1. Chewing on gum while cutting onions can help a person from stop producing tears. Try it next time you chop onions. 2. Until babies are six months old, they can breathe and swallow at the same time. Indeed convenient! 3. Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name. 4. Male mosquitoes are vegetarians. Only females bite. 5. The average person’s field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle. 6. To find out if a watermelon is ripe, knock it, and if it sounds hollow then it is ripe. 7. Canadians can send letters with personalized postage stamps showing their own photos on each stamp. 8. Babies’ eyes do not produce tears until the baby is approximately six to eight weeks old. 9. It snowed in the Sahara Desert in February of 1979. 10. Plants watered with warm water grow larger and more quickly than plants watered with cold water. 11. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times. 12. Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave. 13. Those stars and colours you see when you rub your eyes are called phosphenes. 14. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. 15. Everyone’s tongue print is different, like fingerprints. 16. Contrary to popular belief, a swallowed chewing gum doesn’t stay in the gut. It will pass through the system and be excreted. 17. At 40 Centigrade a person loses about 14.4 calories per hour by breathing. 18. There is a hotel in Sweden built entirely out of ice; it is rebuilt every year. 19. Cats, camels and
giraffes are the only animals in the world that walk right foot, right
foot, left foot, left foot, rather than right foot, left foot. 20. Onions help reduce cholesterol if eaten after a fatty meal. 21. The sound you hear when you crack your knuckles is actually the sound of nitrogen gas bubbles bursting.
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samples of leave letters
Here
are some samples of leave letter written by some employees of renowned companies
& by people in various places of
India.....................
reallly
aamusing..............................
1.
Infosys, Bangalore:
An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my
village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
2.
This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the
"mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as
I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days...”
3.
Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his
daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a
week's leave...”
4.
From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I
am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."
5.
Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go
to the cremation ground at 10’o clock and I may not return, please grant me half
day casual leave"
6.
An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare
one day holiday."
7.
A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am
suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
8.
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is
paining, please grant me leave for the day."
9.
Covering note:
"I
am enclosed herewith..."
10.
Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my
below..."
Enjoy!!!
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A Software Engineer's feelings.....
A Software Engineer's feelings.....
It
was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature
was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the
pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to
see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was
inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of
the nature.
Through
the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on
to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt
sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic
situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer.
I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it.
I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for
one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I
could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through
which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.
My
childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when
I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories
told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house,
not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell
phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners
which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all
the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the
love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.
I
threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they
would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a
cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face.
The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give
a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the
pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.
The
scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought
with my best friend came to my mind. Today, she has gone far away from
me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and
coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people,
but then I long ceased to make a new friend.
It's
true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to
sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest
designer clothes, but a worn out body . Awards for technical
excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A
confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain,
but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.
Now,
I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her
umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which
I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time
back.
I
have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the
expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again
enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small
kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down.
Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened
outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying
that there was a critical defect
in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not
going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my
decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple
of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in
with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,
Hi XYZ,
I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD.
Regards,
Software Engineer.
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Tongue Twisters
Tongue twisters 1
1. Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People, Purple Paper People
2.If
one doctor doctors another doctor does the doctor who doctors the
doctor doctor the doctor the way the doctor he is doctoring doctors? Or
does the doctor doctor the way the doctor who doctors doctors?
"When
a doctor falls ill another doctor doctor's the doctor. Does the doctor
doctoring the doctor doctor the doctor in his own way or does the
doctor doctoring the doctor doctors the doctor in the doctor's way"
3.Sounding by sound is a sound method of sounding sounds.
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Answers !!!!!!!!!!!!
Question: Youare in a boat in the middle of a river. You have 2 Cigarettes and have
to light any one cigarette. You don't have anything else with you in
the boat? How will you do it?
Here are some deadly Wild Answers
1. Take one
cigarette and throw it in the water. So the boat will become
LIGHTER..... ...using this LIGHTER you can light the other Cigarette
2.You throw a cigarette up and catch it. Catches win Matches. Using the matches that you win, you can light the cigarette
3.Take water in your hand and drop it drop by drop...(TIP - TIP)
"TIP TIP barsa Pani.
Pani ne aag lagayee."
us aag se hamne cigarette jalayee".
4.Start praising one cigarette, The other will get jealous & "jalney lagega"
Enjoy ,,,
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